First Date Etiquette 101
IF YOU ARE INITIATING THE DATE, DO THE ASKING IN ADVANCE.
Asking someone on a Thursday evening to meet up for Thursday night drinks is not a date.
A PROPER INVITATION:
Make sure that you actually show some interest and intention into the asking. Saying “let’s catch up for drinks sometimes” is not exactly showing interest for a first date but it says “ not really sure if I like you yet, if I want this but I would like to keep you on the side until I get some spare time to waste and when I do I expect you to be available at a texts notice”.
DO THE PLANING - IT TAKES 10 MINUTES OR LESS
Pick a date, a location and make sure you check with the person you are inviting if they have any preferences or dietary requirements. It makes the other person feel special and it gives you a chance to calculate your own budget while planing for the date. THE RULE is THE PERSON THAT INVITES IS THE PERSON THAT PAYS.
TAKE CARE OF THE TRANSPORTATION - PEOPLE DON’T MATERIALIZE LIKE WILL SMITH IN ALADDIN
When you are the one inviting, you have to make sure that the person has with what to get to that location and back home safe. So if you are a bit unsure of what to say and scared in the unlikely case that you hit the jackpot with a Feminist on Steroids just go for “ Would it be ok if I would pick you up from home?” or “How do you prefer to get there?” especially if you plan to have some drinks and wouldn’t drive, ask in advance if it would be ok to send an Uber to pick the person up so they do not have to drive. That will definitely win you some points.
Disclaimer! This actually applies to all genders. Yes! I do this when I invite a girlfriend out especially if I know they are not driving and is ok if you ask a man if he has with what to get to the venue if you are the one that asked him to meet you there in the first place.
DON’T BE LATE
Respect people’s time and if you happen to run late make sure that you text or call to explain. A good tip is to send your live location on Whatsapp so you let the person know exactly how far away you are, in case you got stuck in traffic and not sure how long it will take to get there.
DRESS LIKE YOU CARE
Showing up in a wrinkled t-shirt and jeans or ready to go kick the ball with the guys after the date doesn’t really express the best intentions. Ladies usually you put in more effort (or so I like to think) so…yes guys am talking to you in particular here. If she takes 1 hour minimum to stare at her closet, try 5 outfits, hair, make up, nails (which believe me she does!) you can add an extra 5 minutes to iron a shirt.
OPEN DOORS
This will be “the best return of investment you will ever have on a date” (quoted from an actual man dating in 2019)… especially since very few men do it nowadays. Don’t just sit inside the car and wait for your special someone to guess your car…or even worst maybe assist her with a honk or a flash of lights before she gets it right …cause is exponentially more romantic. Is especially rude to greet anyone while sitting down. So ladies if you are the one that invited or if is a same gender first date the one that invited should always get out of the car to greet.
WHO GOES FIRST IN A RESTAURANT?
In the venue, hold the door open for your guest to get in. As soon as you are inside there are two options. If the maître d' or restaurant head waiter will show you to the table then your guest follows and you go last. If there is no maître d' or waiter showing you to your table than you take the lead and hold the chair for your guest or guide them towards the chair that has the best view (usually towards the inside of the restaurant not kitchen or toilets ) Don’t just sit down as soon as you reached the table before your date did.
TAKE CARE OF THE BILL
The golden rule here is that the person that invited is the person that pays. A nice gesture would be for you to never let the bill reach the table by giving your credit card details beforehand or by excusing yourself for a moment and taking care of the bill discreetly on the way to the restroom. Especially after a wonderful date letting the bill arrive at the table can inevitably bring that awkward moment of who pays and how we split this dilemma scenario. Money is never the best end to a successful meeting (and this gesture goes a long way with business clients, parents , parents in law, friends that you want to show your appreciation to).
SHOW INTEREST BY LISTENING
Most people are so nervous about first dates because they want to impress the other person. But the reality is we like most the people that make us feel important and interesting. So show interest, smile and be present in the moment. Nothing is worse than a person looking distracted over your shoulder for some extra entertainment.
PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY
I could not stress this enough since we are on the subject of distractions. Nobody will ever be more important than the person sitting in front of you! Keep the phone on silent, in your bag, pocket or at least turned upside down far from eyesight during the date. If you happen to be waiting for an important urgent call than explain to your date the situation and apologize for having to let your phone near by. But do not pick any other calls or check your phone constantly.
MIND YOUR TOPICS OF CONVERSATION
Of course topics are going to be more intimate since you are interested in getting to know the person a lot more but too much negativity about your life, traffic, your ex, gossips, judegements, sarcasm, making the person feel like they are in a job interview scrutiny rather than a date is not the best start of a relationship.
SMILE AND BE KIND
Regardless of how the date goes, remember two things : Boredom happens when we fail to make the other person interesting. Make eye contact, smile, be interested. End of the date you might end up with a very nice story or maybe a friend for life. The other person has made an effort to be there and is just as nervous. Don’t forget to be kind. Show respect to the person and never drop them to go meet your friends at the opposite table or laugh at them or make things difficult.
MAKE SURE THE PERSON GETS HOME SAFE
Most men never understood this rule, but is very important to make sure that as a responsible adult you don’t just take off in the middle of the night as soon as the person got out of your car. Remember that if anything were to happen, in front of the law you are the last person responsible that saw your date to safety. Even in the situation in which your date left with a taxi you put them in, a simple text or call to ensure they got home safe only show responsibility and care.
Remember there is a lot more happiness in what we give than what we receive…Effort is sexy!… so let’s start giving a bit more from ourselves. Blaming women for dead chivalry or blaming men for low standards is similar to what Gandhi said “an eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind”. We are all feeling lonely, we all have a story to tell, we are all beautiful in our own way. End of your days Is not so much about what you have received in your entire life from others ….but what have you allowed yourself to offer from whom you were and what you had. A life well lived is a life where you can say “I’ve given my all”.